He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk is not a location!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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