the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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