so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
