My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
