So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
