Me too!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
