Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
