So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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