Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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