have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
