I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You ate ashes out of my bong
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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