So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
