I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is Oprah even human
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