You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
