I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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