This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
