I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
