also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
