i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is wine microwaveable?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
