Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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