Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
