I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
