2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I've blown a few things in my day
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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