There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
