Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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