I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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