3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
