I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
