Can i not drive my cunt home
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
