There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
