I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
