ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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