What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
