frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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