I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
