dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
