We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
