I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
