My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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