I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
