I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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