i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
