Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
