i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
