sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
