So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We were destined to go to rehab together
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
