Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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