my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's great music for shaving your balls
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
