All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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