just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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