My liver just broke up with me...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
