I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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