i think my tv is drunk
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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