Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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