And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
