I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
