CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
