Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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