New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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