i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
