Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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