i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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