I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
