There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
