So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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