its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
