How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
