If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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