my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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