whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
why is half of my head shaved?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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